I Need You

I admit rolling my eyes as I sat on the sled. I had just said I wanted to watch something funny on Netflix. He thought it would be fun to first take a quick sled-ride down the hill. I agreed, reluctantly, not wanting to be the boring-not-fun-wife.

I insisted on sitting in the back. He thought I should go on the front. Maybe I should have. We pushed off and were laughing like a couple of grade school kids. It was fast, fun, and the night was clear with a beautiful moon. Sweet! Until we hit the patch of unbelievable ice. Suddenly everything was in a different time zone. Spinning in circles. Where did the sled go? My head hitting the ice – seeing stars that were not part of the sky. And a screeching painful halt. Paul standing over me asking if I was all right and saying he had lost a shoe.

An innocent (although obviously really stupid) sled ride down our hill completely changed the early part of our 2015 calendar.

I knew right away I was not okay. Such pain! I could not get up. I could not walk. I was just thankful when I wiggled my toes and fingers I could.

A ride to the hospital. Searing pain every time I was shifted from one spot to the next. I have memories of that night. The ER doctor getting a chuckle out of the fact these two idiots had been sledding. “And no alcohol involved”, I assured him. David and Laura in the ER enjoying the doctor’s reaction. Paul’s utter embarrassment. Laura’s insistence that he tell the truth – we were SLEDDING. The doctor agreeing with Laura – “yes, good to know as there is a difference between taking a fall and hitting a snow wall at like 25 miles per hour…..” I remember all this.

But what stands out most in my mind when I think of Wednesday evening, February 11, 2015 is God. And oh how I needed him. I remember muttering silently and out loud – over and over, “God please.” “God, I need you.” God, please help me.”

I was scared. I knew the pain meant something. Before that night the delivery of three children had been my badge of pain. No epidurals either – not for our generation. We were the naturalists (silly us!). This pain was so much worse.

I am so thankful I have a faithful God who welcomes our prayers. Prayers when I am in pain, prayers when I get bad news. Prayers for healing. Prayers for patience. Prayers for comfort. Prayers to be brave. Prayers of thankfulness at all there is to learn. Prayers for provision. Prayers for peace. Prayers of humble gratitude for the love surrounding us, encouraging us.

Psalm 5 is the chapter of Scripture I am reading every day this month. Each morning reading the first verses I cannot help but smile, and remember, and be thankful:
“O LORD, hear me as I pray;
pay attention to my groaning.
2 Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God,
for I pray to no one but you.”

And that is exactly how I felt that night. There was no one but God. Oh there were nurses and doctors and technicians and family. But for me – it was only God. He was who I was thinking about, who I was crying out to. He was who I was trusting in for help. And he was there. I knew he was. Because he is faithful. Always. When I am wise he is there, and even when I am silly. When I am sinful he is there to love me and pardon me and help me. When I am holy it is only because he is there.

That night the words of this song went through my mind over and over:

“Lord, I Need You”

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
(Matt Maher)

And not lost on me the words:
“ And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay”.

So true. When I cannot stand he is there. When I am scared he is there. When I have excruciating pain he is there. When I am sad he is there. Always, always, my God is there. And how desperately I need him to be.

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You.
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You.

If you would like to take a listen….