Broken

I remember a day when I lived in (what I thought was) a pristine and tidy castle. I was checking boxes and working so hard with all my ‘to-do’ lists that I failed to realize I was just twirling in fairly useless circles. But oh, thankfully God was faithful to not give up on my silliness. He gently prodded me with Scripture and his Spirit, poking and whispering and pursuing my distracted soul until I listened. What a shock to find out what really mattered! And then joy and tears and hard and easy and relief and burden and the flood that followed. Now I am neck-deep in following Jesus and loving every splash of it.

I never knew how broken our world was until I stepped out of my own. I never knew how simple the gospel was until I found what it really meant. I never knew how easy/hard it was to obey until the shackles came off my heart. Until God won.

Last Saturday I was babysitting for a crew of my grandchildren. There was pizza and cookies and a movie and laughs and fun. It came time to go to bed. They thought it would be fun for them all to sleep on the floor in one of their rooms. Seemed like a fairly stupid idea so of course I said yes. We shut the lights off and turned the stars on. I told them a story about their daddy when he was little. We prayed and I warned them and shut the door. Chatter, giggles, tattling followed.

One of them just wouldn’t obey. Nothing disastrous, but definitely foolish. Warnings came and eyes popped because ‘Candy Nana’ just seems like a 24/7 push-over. I did get his attention. And the frivolity came to a screeching halt. Of course I said I loved him as well. Because I do! And I patiently won.

This boy is broken as we all are. I often wonder what goes through his brain and what are the mind movies he has stored there? I cringe to ponder because he was birthed into our family as a size 3T. Does he push at times for security? Does he push because he is broken? Does he push because he has the same sin nature I have? Yes and yes and yes. I sat that night and prayed for him, his heart, his soul, his mind. I prayed for his parents who have obediently taken on such a difficult task. Obeying the gospel. And I thought of how we could never win if it wasn’t for our Abba Father. No way! But he picks up the pieces and mends our lives. He loves and rebukes and reminds and encourages and is so gently patient with my lack of security, my brokenness, my sin nature right alongside this broken boy. He will help our cause! He is long-suffering enough to help us both find our footing. He will lead and walk beside us, even carrying our burdens as we journey together. Abba Father, I love you! Jehovah Shammah. My Savior. My Rescuer. I come broken but you are in the repair business! And I am grateful.

I love the words updating an old song: